The Rousehouse

7 Ways To Respond When You Want to Punch Someone—And You’re a Christian

Posted on June 4, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Ok so, I wish I would have thought to write a post like this but unfortunately I didn’t and usually end up responding in the wrong ways. I would love for you to not make the same mistake as I so here is a great article that a friend sent me today. You will be glad you took 5 minutes to read this!

7 Healthy Ways to Resolve Tension and Conflict – by Carey Nieuwhof

I have learned (through trial and error), that these 7 strategies below can help me deal with conflict.

I hope they can help you.

They can work with coworkers, with a boss, with a volunteer, with a friend—with anyone you have a relationship with.

Here are 7 ways that I hope can help you resolve conflict with someone you work with:

1. Own your part of the problem

Conflict and even bad chemistry is almost never 100% one person’s fault.

One of the best expressions I’ve heard on how to figure out the extent to which you might be part of the problem is to ask a compelling question: What’s it like to be on the other side of me?

Jeff Henderson asked that question in a great series at North Point Church called Climate Change.

You can listen to the message for free here, and a scroll through the small group questions in and of itself is instructive. Own what you can.

So…what is it like to be on the other side of you? Ask some people.

Ask yourself, “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?” @jeffhenderson

CLICK TO TWEET

2. Go direct

Issues in the church are often mishandled because we talk about someone rather than to someone.

Your co-worker at the water cooler isn’t the problem, so why talk to him about it?

Jesus was crystal clear on how to handle conflict, but very few Christians follow his practice.

In the name of being ‘nice’ (I can’t tell her that!), we become ineffective.

Talk to the person you have the problem with. Directly. Or else just be quiet about it.

In the name of being nice, Christians become ineffective.

CLICK TO TWEET

3. Give them the benefit of the doubt

The person you’re upset with might not realize how they are coming across. It’s okay to say that out loud.

“Rachel, you might not realize this, but sometimes you emails can come across as demanding or even demeaning. I’m not sure you’re aware of that, but I just wanted to let you know how they leave me feeling sometimes.”

That gives the person an out, and frankly, many times, they probably had no idea they were coming across negatively.

Giving a person an out and the benefit of the doubt preserves their dignity.

4. Explain. Don’t blame

How to talk to the person you’re struggling with is where many people struggle.

And those conversations often go sideways because people begin with blame.

Don’t blame. Explain.

Instead of saying “You always” or “You never” (which might be how you feel like starting), begin by talking about how you experience them.

If you’re dealing with an ‘angry person’ for example, you might frame it this way “Jake, I just want you to know that when you get upset in a meeting, it makes me feel like the discussion is over and I can’t make a contribution.”

If you’re you’re dealing with gossip, try something like: “Ryan, on Tuesday when you told me what happened to Greg on the weekend, I felt like that was something Greg should have told me directly.”

Do you hear the difference between explaining and blaming?

5. Be specific

Giving one or two specific incidents is much better making general accusations or commenting on personality traits. “The other day in the meeting” or “In your email on the the August numbers yesterday” is much more helpful then “You just always seem so frustrated.”

The more specific you are, the more you de-escalate conflict and move toward a hopeful ending.

6. Tell them you want things to get better

What the person you’re confronting needs is hope.

At this point, they probably feel defensive, ashamed and (hopefully) sorry.

Let them know the gifts they bring to the table and the good they do.

7. Pray for them

I know this sounds trite, but it’s not. Don’t pray about them. Pray for them.

It is almost impossible to stay angry with someone you pray for.

It can also give you empathy for them, and at least in your mind’s eye, it places you both firmly at the foot of the cross in need of forgiveness.

It will take any smirk of superiority out of your attitude, which goes a long way toward solving problems.

She is a masterpiece!

Posted on June 3, 2015June 3, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

I think that every little girl wants to dance and be a ballerina when they are younger, maybe forever. At least in my experience with Elly and her friends this is the case. I am also pretty sure that many girls grow up with a deep need, longing to know they are beautiful, special, and loved. These two things are what led Ellyana to Masterpiece Dance Studio or what led Lara to taking her to Masterpiece.

Masterpiece is no ordinary dance studio for young girls. It may seem like it until you listen to Mrs. Jackie and her teachers. They are well-trained professional dance teachers but they have an even bigger objective while instructing these young girls. They want them to know the TRUTH and know what in life really matters. It’s not how well you did your performance, it’s not how perfect their pirouette(look it up, I had too) is, it’s not how well they know their positions, and it’s not how they look in their outfits…or as Elly calls them, her costumes. It is so much more than that for these ladies. For them it is all about these girls growing up to believe this one truth that can change every facet of their life. They are a masterpiece made by their Heavenly Father and He cherishes each one of them just the way they are! That is what dance class is about at Masterpiece.

Some days I think to myself that maybe Ellyana could practice a little more and maybe she could try to do those positions and moves a little better but then I remember what she is really learning while she is simply having fun at dance. She is learning about one of the greatest principles that I could possibly imagine my little princess knowing. She is learning that God made her and God takes pride in who she is, what she looks like, and the gifts he has given her. She is gaining that foundation that she is a masterpiece!

1 Peter 3:3-4

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes…(or how well you dance…Spanky’s version) 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty, gentleness, and a quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Our table

Posted on June 3, 2015June 15, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Have you ever had someone do something so awesome that it makes you want to tell people about it? Well, fortunately I have, many times. God has blessed the RouseHouse so much and He often does it through the amazing people He has put in our life.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” – C.S. Lewis

When we began talking about moving Lara and I thought about how we want this to be a place of community. Therefore, we wanted a really big table that could fit a bunch of people and a ton of children. Well, those kinds of tables are not cheap! We know a friend that had just built a large farm table and it looked really good, so I asked him if he would be interested in helping me build one for our new house. Before any of you say something I did fully disclose that I have 0% skills in craftsmanship! My friend quickly said, “would you just want me to build it and you can paint and stain it?” to which I respond with a “OH YES!” I think he knew that it would probably be more work to have me actually help. He got started and it quickly came together.

Lara and I sat and looked at the table the other night when I finished staining it. We talked about the many years that we will be using this beautiful piece. Our hope is that God will use this piece of furniture in hundreds of people’s lives and our dream is that one day it will sit in one of our children’s house and will be a place of community and long conversations for them too.

What a friend and servant! Who builds a table like this for someone else house without charging them??? The RouseHouse is so thankful and blessed!

PS, the top was made out of reclaimed wood from a construction demo project at Piney Grove School which makes it even more special! We not only have a table that will have a bunch of people around it in the years to come but a piece that will always remind us of how God has used us in this community for many years. How cool is that!

This is our home!

Posted on May 6, 2015May 6, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Almost 8 years ago Lara and I since that they Lord was telling us to sell our new home that we had built just a couple of years ago. We knew that God was leading us into a life of full-time ministry and wanted to make sure we had more financial margin than we currently did. We are so glad we listened and did sell it! We had no idea of the journey that was before us.

We thankfully had a great home to move into but planned to only be there for 6 months – 1 year. Well, we never really had a chance to move out of that home and we never felt like God was saying it was time. Until now.

Also, 4 years ago we were led to start a ministry in a local neighborhood (Piney Grove) after serving in a variety of countries for that past few years. This became a large focus of ours and our church’s (Ridge Church). We have seen God do some really awesome things around the school, with the staff of the school, and with a handful of families in the neighborhoods surrounding the school. There are some pretty amazing stories we can tell and some that are still in the making! Then towards the end of 2014 around the same time I was privilege to take this new role with United World Mission, the RouseHouse felt the Lord might want us to move into the Piney Grove neighborhood. We toyed with the idea and prayed some about it but didn’t know if we were ready just yet. Some of our closest friends began to feel the same stirring to move into the neighborhood which seemed really cool to imagine both of our families living and serving together. Then our pastor, Chris Brown asked us, “Have you thought about moving into the neighborhood?”

We began wondering what it would look like for “us” to become a “them”? How much more could we live intentionally and missionally if we were in the midst of the community? Why wouldn’t we do this? Is God putting all of the pieces together for us to take this step? This could actually be a huge blessing for the RouseHouse in so many ways.

As we began praying through and wrestling with these and other questions we quickly found our hearts becoming more attached to the idea of living in this community. Therefore we started looking for houses with our friends. Every home that was for sale over the last 6 months in this neighborhood we have looked at. Early on in our search we found one house that was in much better shape than most and it seemed to have a lot of community living space; 2 living rooms, patio, large back yard, and a front porch. For the reasons we want to move in this neighborhood we knew that we needed living spaces like this. So, we made an offer! Unfortunately, the night before the seller accepted someone elses offer. We were bummed but had to try to move on. We just couldn’t move on though. At least I couldn’t. I genuinely felt that the Lord had told me that this was the house He had for the RouseHouse but it didn’t make sense because someone else was already buying it, so I prayed that if it was His will He would make a way. And He did, about a month later the contract fell through and we were the first offer on the table!

The RouseHouse on the front porch of our new home

It isn’t the dream house, it isn’t the biggest house, it isn’t the newest house, it isn’t the area we would normally choose to move too…it is however the place God has called us too! It is our mission field and these are the people He has put on our heart and in our path to serve/love for this season of our life. This is our home and we love it already!

The RouseHouse is so excited and so nervous all at the same time. We know that there will be days that may not be the easiest or the most comfortable. We are also hopeful for the days when we get to sit on the front porch or in our living room with new friends laughing with them and caring for them. Our goals are simple. We want to be the best neighbors, make good friends, serve those in need, seek ways to bless those around us, and after all of this, we want to show people how to follow Jesus and worship our God.

As we take this next step in life and ministry we would love for you to remember us in your prayers often. Please be praying for His Spirit to be so evident, His blessings to cover us and our new home, that we may be a “city on a hill”, that we will gain favor from our neighbors and have great influence in their lives, that God will provide a smooth transition for us and the kids, that our kids will build some great friendships, and for the Fathers blessings and presence to flood us during this season of life.

The best is yet to come!

I don’t have any money to pay for this healing….

Posted on April 27, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

I received this update from a missionary that I get to work with that is living and working in China. It blessed my heart and made me question how big is my faith in my God. He is still able to do the impossible and He is still at work today!!! Prayer is a powerful gift that the Father is just waiting on us to use because He knows that it is an opportunity for His power and glory to be on display.

The elderly woman’s joy faded into panic as she anxiously told us that she could not pay us for the healing she had just received. We had met her only moments before as she sold snacks to travelers at a rest stop. She was walking with difficulty, and we offered to pray for her. As we prayed, the pain in her legs caused by rheumatism disappeared! While praying for her legs, we noticed she had a hearing aid in her left ear and we asked if we could also pray for her hearing. She told us she had been completely deaf in her right ear since she was a child and that she had very little hearing in her left ear due to a burst ear drum that hadn’t healed. We prayed for her again, and her right ear Immediately opened up! After more prayer the hearing in her left ear became more and more clear. Because Tibetan monks charge for their spiritual services, she thought we, too, would want her to pay. When she told us she had no money to pay, we told her that it was Jesus, the creator God who loves her, who had healed her and it was completely free. A huge smile crossed her face, and she began to cry as she thanked us and thanked Jesus. We encouraged her to call upon the name of Jesus regularly because he created her and loves her. As we got back in our vehicles to continue our journey she walked away smiling with her hearing aides in her snack basket.

This is just one of the amazing things God did during my recent trip to a Tibetan area in our province. Ours was one of seven teams made of up other missionaries and visiting ministry school students that participated in this outreach, and each team had incredible testimonies of salvation and healing. We are so thankful for the way God is demonstrating His Kingdom among these unreached peoples!

What are you praying for and how certain are you that He is able?

Never did I ever….

Posted on April 7, 2015April 14, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Never did I ever think that I would be teaching and coaching others in support raising!!!

I remember just about 10 years ago when Lara and I went through our first training on how to raise financial support for ministry…we hated it! When we answered the call of God on our lives for missions and ministry we didn’t plan to be some of those weird radicals that ask other people for money to fund our ministry…just to be honest it is a little crazy! But lo and behold we found ourselves in a workshop called “Funding Your Ministry” and 10 years later we are still in the process of funding the work God has called us too through asking others to partner with us and financially give to our ministry.

For many years this has been a tough path. There has been times of tent making (cutting grass, selling insurance, bartending weddings, whatever I could do) and times of not enough. It feels like we have been through some “valleys of the shadow of death” and barely floating in the deep in of the pool. But on the flip side the RouseHouse has seen God move in radical ways, heard His voice clearer than ever, and experienced His faithfulness in some really crazy ways during these years…those of you (co-laborers/partners) that have walked with us through these years know some of those stories as well as we do. Mountain tops and supernatural moments that God could only do! Many highs and many lows. Many blessings and many scary moments. In these times the Word of God reads richer than ever, the Spirit of God is more present than ever, and My Father God is nearer than ever…don’t rush through or take advantage of the rough patches in life, it is God drawing you into His embrace.

Now to today…Never did I ever think that I would be teaching and coaching others in support raising!!! One aspect of my role at UWM is training and coaching new missionaries in how to raise support to fund the ministry. As I sit in my first training I am thinking to myself that if these people knew just how unqualified I am to be doing this I would either be fired or no one would be listening to me. To be honest I am not qualified but on the other hand God has been using my journey over the past 10 years to prepare me for this. Am I an expert? Have I figured this all out? HECK NO! But I have tons of experiences and stories of how to, what not to do, and just how awesome GOD is. This is why I decided I was going to share a part of my journey and somethings God had recently taught me when I was asked to lead the devotion before we began this weeks training.

When I was praying about coming on staff with UWM I knew that I was going to have to raise even more support than I currently was doing…it scared me tremendously! Fear took over but thankfully God got my attention. I had 3 questions come to mind and as I answered them through prayer and scripture I gained the confidence and assurance that I needed to keep moving forward. I believe that if ANYONE would answer these same questions for whatever journey or struggle you may face, you will find the truth that can break open doors of fear, anxiety, and timidness! We can then walk in confidence and peace!

Is God able? Yes, He is exceedingly abundantly able! Ephesians 3:20

Is God good enough? His promises of “good” are littered through out my life everyday(just take a minute to look around). Psalms 31:19

Do I trust him? This is the REAL question when raising support…and for everything else in life! It was the divine hand of God that the first bible verses my mom taught me as a child are Proverbs 3:5-6

It is worth it! Support raising is worth it. When I look back over the years we are able to see that our God has done amazing things in our lives. Even though some days are tough we know that this life style forces us to live by faith which by the way is the only life Jesus says is worth living, and it allows the RouseHouse to be partnered up with some really amazing families, friends, churches, and people to equip Christian leaders, establish healthy churches, and engage in holistic ministry among the nations (and here in Charlotte)! We are extremely grateful for every single person that partners with us, the RouseHouse, through giving financially, praying for us, and encouraging us to keep going! You guys are the real heroes of faith!

If you would like to know how you could partner with the RouseHouse or what kind of mission opportunities we have available please let us know! We have attached giving info below and to know ways you can be praying for us or serving alongside us please visit us at Will you…

Donor relations and joy don’t usually go hand in hand

Posted on March 31, 2015March 31, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

This will be my first time writing a blog about a co-worker but I feel that this person deserves it! Karen Judson at UWM is our Donor Relations representative and she loves it! One of Karen’s main roles is to communicate with the donors of missionaries and the US staff on a regular basis. Daily she is on the phone encouraging those who are supporting the work of UWM and she is so good at it! Karen finds joy in hearing what God is doing in these donors lives (sometimes it is not good stuff like financial hardships but she finds ways to be uplifting) and looks for ways to bless these individuals in each conversation. If you ever call into the office she will make sure to pray for you before you hang up! If I was you I would call to say hello and meet Karen!

Karen is one of the most joyful people that I have ever meet! Karen has a big personality and I would say she has been given the spiritual gift of JOY for sure. Everyone loves Karen because her joy and because it is so contagious. When I come into the office she makes a point to come around the corner to say, “Hey Spanky!” or “What’s up man!”. Makes me smile every time.

The other day Karen came in to the office with extra bounce in her step. During prayer time she shared how she woke up thinking about how it is such a blessing to come to work…that is not normal BTW. There are actually people that love waking up and going to work! Karen shared that as she drove in she was reminded by God that she isn’t just going to work but going to her ministry. Have you ever seen someone doing a job and think, “God created them for that specific role”? That is how we all feel about Karen in her role here at UWM and we are so thankful for all that she does to make this an amazing place to serve!

Karen you rock!

Visiting a missional community

Posted on March 27, 2015March 27, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Last week I went on a trip with a co-worker of mine to Athen, GA. If you are like me the only thing you know about Athens is that it is the home of the UGA Bulldogs and some of you may know Athens Church too. (this is a pretty great North Point and Ridge Church partner church) But there is something really cool happening in this college town that most don’t know about. There is a movement happening, a movement of God and it has the potential to change the world!

The reason for our trip to Athens was to visit with some potential ministry partners of United World Mission. At UWM we love and live by the idea that we can reach the world with the Gospel and love of Jesus through partnering with other organizations, churches, groups, families, universities, etc. We love this concept of the “Church” working together so we all work trying to find and create new partnerships around the world.

In Athens there are a couple of really cool ministries or groups of people that are making a huge impact on missions by reaching international students on the UGA campus…the nations are coming to us! One of these partners that I was meeting with, Launch Global, is taking the idea of missional community and running with it! They are moving into neighborhoods, intentionally building friendships with internationals, and seeking out ways to serve them, love them, spend time with them, and share Jesus with them. Many in these groups are learning foreign language like Japanese and hanging out at Islamic centers! These people have devoted hearts for missions, the missions they are running after just happens to be their next door neighbor.

While I was there I had the opportunity to go to one of their weekly gathering where they study the bible, worship, and share stories of how they have seen God use them in the past week. POWERFUL! They then write every name on this large board of someone they are trying to make friends with or are disciplining. With 20+/- people who are a part of this group I read 143 names they pray specifically for each week. Some of these names were from some of the most unreached countries in the entire world. Places that you will be killed for speaking the name of Jesus. You want to talk about reaching the most unreached and loving those that are far from God, this group is doing it everyday!

My takeaways were seeing just how intentional this group were with their daily lives and using every moment and interaction to allow Jesus to shine through to their world. This experience was inspiring. Inspired me to consider how God wants to intentionally use me everyday to love this world and let others know who this amazing God is through my life.

Please pray for this Launch community as they love, serve, and lead others to Jesus! Also, pray that God will make you aware of the mission field that He has put in front of you today.

…do justice, and to love kindness…

Posted on February 18, 2015February 12, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

One out of every six people on earth live in India, and by 2025 it is projected to overtake China as the world’s most populous nation. India is growing as a world economic power and potentially as a great missionary sending nation. The church has grown rapidly in many parts of the country, especially in the south. At the same time, a high percentage of the world’s unreached peoples are in India.

At UWM (United World Mission) we have a team of families that live and serve in Patna India. This team is what I would call game changers. They are making a holistic impact on the people, economy, families, and spiritual aspects on this part of India. This team is also some of the most selfless and loving people I have been privileged to know let a long serve with. Where they live is known to be one of the poorest, dirtiest, and toughest places in the whole world! I have heard other missionaries that are serving in China, central Asia, and other places that say that they have no idea how this team does it. Just a small example of how poor this area is, they use dried cow poop to build fires to cook their food. That’s pretty extreme in my book!

I feel blessed to be apart in a small way of what they are doing in India and would love to share some info and stories of what they are actually doing. Our team has developed a micro-finance loan system to bring hope and change to economically depressed communities. Through partnership with Indian church planters, God is using this community development tool to pave the way for the gospel and to bring about eternal hope in the heart of India’s unreached communities.

MEDIC Projects-sewing center, water wells, micro-finance loans, and education

Mercy Economic Development International Concern (MEDIC – Bihar) which is a faith-based charitable trust seeking to enrich the lives of the poor of Bihar through community transformation with micro-finance initiatives. The vision of MEDIC is to Build Sustainable Communities with Hope for the Future by providing economic, educational, medical and holistic opportunities to the poorest of the poor. They have projects in micro-finance (MEDIC), wells and hand pump projects, sewing centers for woman, education, and looking to start-up a program for youth.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)

If you feel a draw to serve with or support this ministry I would love to have you contact me. Please be praying for this team and the new believers in this area of India.

Feel free to check MEDIC-Bihar out on Facebook or at their website here.

What can you start doing today?

Posted on February 14, 2015February 18, 2015 by Spanky Rouse

Some of you may follow me on Facebook and saw an article that I posted earlier this week about missional living. The article suggested 8 easy ways to live missionally. It sparked a brief conversation between a good friend and me. **Let me tell you first that this guy lives out his faith, missional living, better than most American Christians that I know or have heard of. He, day by day, is loving on and serving those in his neighborhood. He is relentless in-spite of how messy and jacked up it can get…and it gets messy up often!

His point was just that, missional living is not easy. While I agree with him, I also believe that each one of us can start doing something today that is an easy next step in living out Jesus. Practical ways of being His hands and feet, salt and light to the “world” around us.

The problem I see is how we, churchy people, label missional living as something radical that only missionaries do or those crazy people who move to poor neighborhoods and say they are called to do. When in reality (God’s perspective) we are all called to live missionally. I am NOT saying that we are all called to be missionaries or sale our houses and move into a low-income areas to start a church! No not at all! ~Well some of us are probably called to do things like this if we are to be honest with our self.~ But for every single one of us we are “called” to love our neighbors, serve those in need, and live in a way that will point others to worship Jesus.

My question for each of us is, “What is one simple way we can start living missional today?”

Take a look at this article then ask where, who, how can I begin being missional. I would love to hear what step you are going to begin taking today towards missional living! Let’s start a movement of love, love that is in action!!!